I, personally, have not done an excellent job at either of those chores. I don’t know how old you are or how old your kids are, but if they are young it does get better as they get bigger. Not a single one of them could remain in their current homes, paying their existing mortgages without the addition of their husband’s salary. The working woman already has a job, a career, a trajectory, and a means to make more money. I want to end my loveless marriage, but I am financially dependent My wife of 25 years takes me for granted and belittles me, but I don't think she would accept a split. If that weren’t the case, alimony would never be granted to working women. As a fellow stay-at-home parent I want you to know that I have felt the same way as you do. I thought I knew for sure what I wanted to do, and then, at the last minute, I changed my mind. Contributing in non-financial ways is extremely important, but this post was focused on the monetary aspects of becoming a stay-at-home parent and thereby becoming financially dependent. That seemed lazy, irresponsible and irritating to me. I am homeschooling our seven children, and I work hard at home, but I still feel awful. Making a spouse financially dependent on you is a great way to control your spouse. I certainly wouldn’t have qualified for mortgages on multiple homes. We are interdependent. I am very independent and will make sure to be able to afford anything I want. I love being gifted pretty things—or practical things, for that matter. 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You have plenty of time to search for the things you love and make money doing them! I think my children greatly benefit from having me at home with them, and homeschooling is something that I am passionate about, but it doesn’t take away the feelings of shame and degradation over not being able to contribute something meaningful to the world, and help provide for my family. If a stay-at-home parent is not earning money they still need to be extremely vested in the family finances. After all, you can’t reach financial independence without saving and investing it. Thank you so much for posting this. There are plenty of husbands who are financially dependent on their wives.). Every three months, canvassers from the Single Parents Food Bank come to our door, asking for donations. It can weigh heavily on the spouse who works and the spouse who stays at home. They can also learn that saving money is just as important as earning it. More specifically, she had a couple of questions she wanted to ask: I stared at the words on my computer screen and read the email in its entirety fifteen or twenty times in a row. Our marriage is not 25/50 or even 50/50, but rather 100/100. Maybe there is one, but I can’t see it from inside this problem. But I would argue that stay-at-home moms are not the only ones who are financially dependent. It’s hard not to contribute financially and it sucks that as human beings we tie our value and worth to how much money we make. Money gives you freedom of choice and power. Also, it pays nothing. He provided the paychecks so I could stay at home with our children. They need to know how to log in to bank accounts, where money comes from, how much insurance the employed spouse has, etc. I never felt bad for being dependent on my husband, but I did feel guilty for giving up my income. With these skills, they can study, graduate, and move on to high-paying careers. Let’s begin with these questions: Do you depend on your partner for financial support? In fact, a study by the Centers for Financial Security found that 99 percent of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. You may not earn as much as your spouse, but you should still be 100% vested in the outcome of your partner’s paychecks. For starters, young women are still encouraged to work in lower-paying fields. I believe I work hard but at this point in my life, my income doesn’t reflect that. My husband works full-time, and I am dependent on him for financial support. At the time, I didn't know much about financial abuse—when one partner controls the other through money. Why do different genders receive such different messages? Probably. Who am I kidding? It could take up to a year for us to be financially independent of one another. Some do a better job than others of keeping their skills up-to-date and their network intact. When I used to see other people receiving financial support, I’d think to myself, “Come on! It should mean that both partners believe in the importance of one parent staying home. It comes when I know we can pay our bills and credit cards. Especially, just after I made the decision to stay home. I’ll be honest. A stay-at-home mom will need to find employment before she can begin earning. Let alone reach FI alone? Being financially dependent on someone can be incredibly difficult. I am constantly trying out new business ideas (without any investment capital) and then failing at them because I have seven kids that are home with me 24-7, and anything added to that is apparently too hard for me to manage, so I give up and feel even worse–so defeated. How does it feel to be financially dependent on my husband? So it’s difficult to feel empowered if you don’t have any in your own name. A chronic, financially dependent spouse is not created in a vacuum without your participation! There are plenty of husbands who are financially dependent on their wives.) I have to dress well. Women have come a long way from helplessly sitting in towers, waiting to be rescued. Periodical Payments can be ordered at the conclusion of Divorce and Financial Matters, these are payments out of the income of your husband, this type of order is known by the … My husband is not the father of my two adult girls. Required fields are marked *. But the truth is, he never, ever sees our relationships this way so neither should I. I gave up my job to move to a different state to be with him. 5 TIPS TO LESSEN YOUR FINANCIAL RISK. The previous check was sizable, too, as it included the payout of unused vacation leave and other miscellaneous items. Because I’m not making the big bucks in this relationship (at least for the time being), I feel like I always have to make up for it in other ways. March 15, 2016 at 6:11 pm. How much harder will it be for her to achieve them? I think it’s also not having a say at the financial table. Create a plan to leave your marriage – it’ll make asking for financial help easier. Unfortunately it was my mom who was/is overly financially dependent on my dad. Young women today have jobs, paychecks and interesting goals. Audrey Bea If I didn’t have $1 million in the bank before my son was born, I’m not sure I would have left my profession. I stepped into that position after saving for over a decade. Still, there’s something truly satisfying about saving up and treating yourself to something special. However, I couldn’t gain access to it until I reached retirement age. From an early age, I learned to see myself through the lense of self-sufficiency and strong work ethic. There are many systemic reasons for this problem. It’s certainly cheaper for two people to maintain a household than it is for two people to maintain separate residences. Some amazing people didn’t get to work until their later years or switched careers mid-way. I contemplated my options for months. Am I letting my feminist sisters down because I’m now dependent on a man’s income? Frequently, dependent spouses build up a nest egg before children and then spend it all on family needs once they’ve given up work. They say money isn’t everything but it kind of is. It’s about talking through the weight of becoming financially dependent. Choosing to live on my husband’s salary — he’s the breadwinner — while I started my freelance business has been challenging. Here’s how I’m wrapping my head around becoming financially dependent on my spouse. How much more will she need to depend on someone else to bridge the gap between the money she earns and the lifestyle she craves? Also, remember that life is long. Returning to the first line each time I reached the end of it. “Does it bother you to depend on your husband’s paycheck?” It turns out that I was dependent on my husband’s money long before I ever quit my job. We are both 100% dependent on each other. This is not about going tit-for-tat on who is valuable in the household. We should also ensure every girl is as comfortable and competent with a calculator as her male counterparts. It’s never been appealing to anyone. My skills at that time were up-to-date and in demand. It’s not fair for women to start behind the eight ball. Sit down, give the … You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. There are also a huge number of perks. There are plenty of horror stories about parents who leave the workforce, face divorce, and have trouble finding work. I am so jealous of his position. Nonetheless, I do love a good dose of ownership and being able to stamp “mine” onto anything I’ve purchased. I am 100% financially dependent on my husband because I am a student with a 1 year old. My husband and I have always been equal partners in those areas of our lives and I think all partners should be. They Control All Your Income. In fact, by the time I walked away from work, I saved over $155,000 in my 401k. I no longer feel like an equal member of our team. Your email address will not be published. As a teenager, I was told to pursue my passions while my male classmates were told to increase their profits. You could argue that those women are less dependent on their spouses, but no doubt about it, they still need their husband’s paychecks to maintain their lifestyle. Our investments at the time totaled over $1 million. If your partner disappeared from the face of this Earth and took that bi-weekly paycheck along for the ride, could you still pay for your housing, utilities, food, vacations, and credit card bills, or would your lifestyle have to change? I am financially dependent on my husband. These financial details provide critical details to my decision-making process. I’m lucky to live without any financial needs, and I wouldn’t trade in this relationship for more money. Lots of us think that we’re not making enough money and that our paychecks don’t really reflect all the hard work we pour into each and every work week. The purpose of this post was also to point out that most of us are financially dependent. You Feel Anxiety All The Time While In The Relationship. We should teach young women about personal finance. They don’t need to buy insurance, but they need to know that it has been purchased, etc. Kids are expensive – and so is life! The ironic thing is, if I have to be gone for a few days & Roger is at home by himself I have heard him teasingly laughed at by both sides of our family. The person I am a forty-year-old wife, mother, blogger, personal finance,... 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